Housekeeping, 3.2.08

+ news +
CA and marriage comin' up!,
Ft. Lauderdale = scary,
and Omg scroll to the youtube video in the middle!! for the week.

Sincerely,
ts

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There are Approximately Three Fundamental and Dynamic Brain Functions But I Am Fixated on the Sex Part.

Fishing is fun. You get out on the water. The earlier the better: cooler and calmer waters, more opportunities to reel them in, and at 5am you’re too zoned out to really care about what you look like or where you are. You bait the hook and fling it out into the water and gently bob it until some unsuspecting fish grabs hold. If you’re lucky, you wrestle the fish a bit and it’s caught. Then you are given the option of keeping it or tossing it back in the water where it came from. There are many deciding factors, but you usually judge it first by looks. Finally, if you decide to keep the sucker, you take it back with you, strip down the protective scales, gut it, eat it, and pick your teeth with its bones when the carnage ceases.

With the recent onslaught of posts regarding online dating, online hooking, online swinging, and online sinking, (Made the fishing connection yet? If not, please leave.) it was a troublesome task attempting to steer away from the subject that has plagued our minds like Ebola in monkeys, eating away at internal organs and shutting down all bodily functions. Why do you haunt me so? Therefore, when in doubt, I’m just going to embrace it and roll with it and hopefully it won’t blow up in our faces. (Or do we secretly want it to?)

After exercising some expert sleuthing skills I came upon a list of online dating Don’ts for women. (Fine, I opened up a web browser and it was sitting conveniently on my homepage but James Bond still ain’t got nothing on me.) 14 Fatal Online Dating Errors That Women Make. At the end of the not-so-inspiring guidelines, the article gave me a link to Fatal Online Dating Errors for Men. Ten. Men make ten big fuckups while the women make fourteen? Things are looking awry…Getting a closer gander at the lists, it’s blatantly clear how engendered the lists by “writer” David Wygant really are. Yes, I realize that I’m a doofus because why separate lists by sex when you don’t have to? Obviously this engendering was at play from the very beginning. Am I irked by this? Not parthttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gificularly, but let’s pretend I am and do a little more investigating. Wygant, let’s use your words:

M: Top 10 email turnoffs for women
W: 14 biggest online dating mistakes women make

M: Women are all about connecting with their minds.
W: Read an article in the sports section. All paragraphs are short so men can digest that information in short bursts.

M: Several women have complained to me that men ask them to send pictures of themselves in bikinis or other such things, so that men can see their body. Men, don't do this!
W: Men are as visual as Scooby Doo on steroids.

Fuck it, I can’t keep going, it’s making me ill. It’s funny to me that all the Don’ts for men revolve around being the proactive and the Don’ts for Women are all about the ladies desperately waiting, cloistered to the…well, cloistered sums it up pretty well actually.

As a response to this dickwad getting the opportunity to say stupid shit, here are a few tips on online dating of my own and I’m not going to explain them:

1. Having a photo is good.
2. Go into it like you’re attempting to make a friend, nothing more.
3. Chill the fuck out.
4. When in doubt, turn off the computer.
5. Masturbate often.
6. When looking for action, use a site dedicated to those activities…or call me.

There. Go buck wild. Dating is a game. Stay calm, collected, and just wait for that fish to bite. They will. Fish are stupid.


Oh yeah, and if you find someone special and get hitched and preggers and all that fun shit just realize that this stuff happens away from the computer…and remember, it doesn’t have to be to the grave. In Bavaria.

Take a peek; the lady is pretty fucking awesome.

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AskFannie: Married Man-Meat!

Dear Fannie

I’m a 25 year old gay male. I live in a small city in the South, where it’s kind of hard to meet guys. I have to admit to using the internet to meet new guys, because the bar scene isn’t really me. I recently met someone online. He emailed me and he’s really sweet, funny… and well… really hot. But the problem is that he’s married. He was very upfront about the fact that he is bisexual and is married. No kids are involved, yet. Now, I know that I should just walk away because I can’t expect an LTR… but I’m tempted to hook up with him. What should I do?

The Other Man

Hey TOM (I hope that your name isn’t actually Tom, and the acronym is just a coincidence),

So, you’re thinking about getting down and dirty with a nuptial-knotted mister (so sue me… I like alliterations). Now, your average advice columnist would tell you that you’re a dirty shmuck for trying to get involved with a married man. How dare you threaten the stability of this clearly healthy heterosexual relationship! Damn queers!

Well, lucky for you, I’m not your average advice columnist… and frankly, giving you a slap on the wrist for thinking about bedding your beau with a bride would be far too easy.

Here’s how I see it. Once a cheater, always a cheater. People who cheat, I believe have a life-long propensity for cheating. Yes, the specific relationship they were in may have been on the rocks. Yes, maybe it was just that one time, but I will bet if someone did one of those nifty, authoritative “studies,” they’d find that people who have cheated on a partner in the past will almost indefinitely cheat again. But it’s important to identify who is doing the cheating.

You, TOM, aren’t the one betraying a spouse. That’s his commitment to keep, not yours. I’m tired of mistresses (and extra misters) throughout history getting all the flack for sleeping with married people. That kind of discourse tends to erase the fault of the married person, who is the one who made the commitment to his/her/one’s spouse.

Now, maybe it’s because I don’t have this overpowering reverence for the “sacred institution” of marriage, but I actually don’t have a problem with you hooking up with the married man. The fact that he sought you out, and the fact that you don’t know his wife, etc. indicates that married guy already has the intent on having extra-marital sex. Whether he sleeps with you or not, he already wants sex with someone that is not his wife. If it’s not you, it’ll be someone else.

So go ahead, jump on that wedded wang. Just know that what’s happening is just sex. Don’t go expecting him to leave his wife for you or anything. And even if he did, I wouldn’t get with him LTR-style, because chances are that he’ll still be looking for a different kind of Nancy.

Also, just to clarify to all my readers who may be shocked at my response: If the married guy wrote in to me asking if he should cheat on his wife with TOM, I’d rip him a new one, a la Fannie Fantabulous Fierceness. I don’t condone cheaters. It’s cheap and dishonest. If you’re going to have sex outside of a relationship, it should ALWAYS be cleared with all parties involved. Honest non-monogamy is the only kind of non-monogamy I condone. I just don’t think that TOM is doing anything wrong, and I’m tired of people coming down on the “other man/woman” for violating something they didn’t commit to.

++
fiercely,
fannie

Send your questions to askfannie@belowthebelt.org

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Housekeeping, 6.24.07

+ news +
The just go AWAY,
the festivities continue,
and the holy cow! for the week.

It's also worth noting that we have a new guest contributor stating this week. Woohoo!

Sincerely,
ts

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Housekeeping, 6.17.2007

+ news +
The sigh of relief,
gays in Colombia,
and the tragic and infuriating for the week.

Sincerely,
ts

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