Remember when you were a kid and you saw a bunch of ants crawling along the sidewalk in a perfect single file line? Remember running your finger through the line and the ants would scatter, conjuring up memories of the time you pooped your pants at camp and everyone scrambled to get away like you were a Jew in a Catholic Church? Yeah.

Eventually, the ants meander back to the same path and continue on their merry way. Why, you ask? Simple. The forager leaves little beads of pheromones for the others to follow and after being deterred, they find they way back to the path. Similar, in essence, to the trail of pre-cum that guy in the backroom returns to after being slapped around by a rough looking dude in the back alley. Or that girl who consistently packs her Saab full of belongings night after night, just in case this time it’s The One.

What the hell am I getting at? We are like the ants: slaves to our patterns. We walk along and no matter how far and how often we stray from our invisible path, we always end up returning to the same old shit.

Men are still having trouble in the grocery store it seems. Even though a man is now more likely than ever to grace the grocery stores with his presence, he will still exhibit your obvious male traits: giving up on pursuits, looking for shortcuts, valuing efficiency and convenience over quality or savings. Other traits might include: not asking for directions (if you have a father, you know what that’s like) and tunnel vision (if you have breasts and have spoken to a straight man, you know what that looks like, too.) Essentially, we are like lost little lambs left to the slaughter, meandering through the aisles in search of the Tide detergent, and only the Tide detergent because that’s what I always use and that’s all I want and there are too many choices and I don’t really know what the difference between Colorfast and Bleach Alternative because I wash all my clothes in one wash anyway and no, I don’t need any help because that would be emasculating and forget it I might as well just leave. “Well, Clarice, have the lambs stopped screaming?” Nah, we like it this way.

Police are still doing their jobs it seems. A recently busted global pedophile ring can attest. The police cleverly nabbed the worthless fuckheads by infiltrating an internet chat room and posing undercover as, well, pedophiles. Needless to say, when you’re swapping live videos of month old children being sexually abused, and that’s clearly your thing, you probably aren’t being all that censored about it when you should be. You should be suppressing the urge and getting help. (There are few things that I look down upon. Raping babies might top the list. Political vegetarianism and ironic facial hair are close seconds.) In an age where “Googling” someone has become a necessary step in meeting a sweet Dom/Sub, we should all be a little more aware of our actions. So watch your back and break that cycle. Cause no matter what you do, someone is watching you. Oh yeah, by the way, the pedophile in charge has been sentenced to remain in prison until “no longer a threat to children.” Uhm, guys…?

So, in attempts to break the mold of the usual entry, I’m going to leave you with this: Take a look at these photos, choose your side, then read this. Which one are you?

See? No matter how you cut it, even if you want to step away from your patterns and be a unique individual, it would really help the rest of us out if you just picked a box. And if you don’t, we’ll do it for you.

One more thing: True fact! If you shine a magnifying glass on some ants, they stop returning! In fact, some would say they stop moving altogether…